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From the Rabbi’s Desk:

As you know, this past month, Congregation Etz Chaim lost a dear member of our synagogue family, Charlie Klinger.  Zecher tov l’vracha – may he be remembered for good and for blessing. 

Charlie’s loss also is mourned at Mountain Rise, where Carol Klinger has long been a devoted member.  Before he died, I met with Charlie and Carol, at which time Charlie told me he was working on some final words that he wanted read at his memorial service.  Those of you who were there heard them.  I since have been asked by many of his friends at both congregations if there was any way they could get a copy of Charlie’s moving words.

In lieu of a rabbi’s column this month, below is what Charlie wrote, and to which I read, trying to provide both the feeling and the spirit with which he wrote it.  It follows below, and will be posted on the Etz Chaim web site.

HOW DO YOU DO IT CHARLIE?

“How do you do it Charlie?”

“You are my hero”

“You inspire me”

“You have shown me a way to cope”
 
I have heard these and similar comments many times in the past 2 ½ to 3 years - from my Etz Chaim, Mt Rise and Optimax families,  from my Pluta Cancer Center family, and those at Strong.

I never set out to be a leader; it just seemed to happen to me.  I always asked questions that sometimes got me in trouble, but I learned when to keep quiet and how to frame the questions in a non-threatening way.  I tried very hard not to complain about a situation, but to offer a better way to get the job done.  This lead to leadership positions in many organizations and work assignments. 

God gave me good instincts, and I have never been opposed to trying something new and having it fail as long as I could learn from the failures and as long as any risk to life and health was minimal.

When I announced to Carol that I wanted to join the Mendon Fire Department, she said “What?, I don’t think so”.  However we investigated it and I joined.  I found my niche on the EMS side of the business and have been fortunate to help lots of people have a better day after they called 911. 

How do you do it Charlie? 
How did I help two mothers deliver their babies when all I had was book learning and had never seen a real birth or practiced on a mannequin?  I learned my lessons in EMT class, and God was with me, giving me the confidence to do what had to be done.

When I was diagnosed and my treatments started, I made a pledge to myself, and Carol.  I would not slow down and curl up in a corner.  I kept as normal a schedule as possible, and forced the disease to slow me down.   I did what I could to keep my body in the best shape it could be – using a tread-mill and weights, etc.  I attended meetings when I could, and fire department drills when I could, but was careful not be a danger to myself or others.   I continued to consult at Optimax, and made technical contributions when I could. We continued to travel when we could.  I did these things to be as normal as I could be, to enjoy each day - not to be a role model or hero.  BUT JUST TO BE ME.

After extended hospitalizations, I pushed myself to do more each day.   Some days were downers but others were good days. You don’t know what you can do until you try!   I learned to listen to my body and to sometimes say “not now, not just yet”.
We set goals and plans, and had to cancel very few. 

I learned that my friends wanted to know what was happening medically. So I sent detailed (sometimes too detailed) updates.  That way everyone had the real information and not hand-me-down information.  Some called me a hero and an inspiration for sharing.  I didn’t set out to be a hero or inspiration, it just happened.

How did you do it Charlie?
I just did it. I was just being me.  With the help of Carol, my many families and God, I did it.  This brings me to my final thought.  I am not mad at God for the cancer.  In Judaism there is a large range of beliefs regarding God’s impact on our personal lives.
 
My personal belief is that God is not all powerful and controlling.  He gave each man and woman the ability to choose between good and evil.  A natural extension of this argument is that if he intervened directly in our lives, then we would no longer have this choice.  However he helps us though the rough times and gives us strength to continue on.  Sometimes the strength appears miraculously, and at other times it is visible in the support of extended family and friends.

How did you do it, Charlie?  I don’t know.   I just did it one day at a time.  With Carol and God beside me I did it.

Shalom
--Rabbi David Abrahams